


always gold

by lavendes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Brothers, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavendes/pseuds/lavendes
Summary: "yeah, everything goes away.but i'm going to be here 'till forever,so just call when you're around."
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 8





	always gold

**Author's Note:**

> listen to always gold by radical face; it encapsulates regulus and sirius so well.

the house is dark, walls flickering from faint torchlight as the two boys jump the stairs two at a time, huffing as they finally collapse with exhaustion. from below a scream sounds, although the words are hard to hear over the mumbling of portraits on the walls, disapproving eyes moving to watch the well dressed boys as they breathe. the complaining hum of noise drowns out their mother’s shouting, and the taller boy leans against the wall, closing his eyes. his face is white, a sharp contrast to his dark hair as he pants with the effort of running. he clutches his arm, sleeve rolled up to show a shallow cut, which bleeds sluggishly. his younger brother grins uncertainly, eyes flicking from his brother's face to the scarlet wound as he too catches his breath.

“reg, that was brilliant!” the elder speaks, a smile now creeping onto his pale face as color begins to return to it. his face is rimmed in shadow, cheekbones high, a regal aura about him. he flicks back a lock of his shoulder length hair and raises an eyebrow. "glad we could make a clean escape. she was so mad."

“thanks siri. learnt it from you. you’ve just gotta keep egging her on.” regulus twists his fingers, sniffing as he glances around to make sure they are alone. they stand on the upper landing of a great staircase, dark green carpet beneath their feet, portraits of regal and cruel looking people lining the walls. they watch the two boys, eyes beady and barely interested. regulus rolls his own eyes. to their left, a corridor stretches, golden doorknobs reflecting the firelight. 

"can't wait until i'm out of here and at hogwarts." sirius walks a ways, turns the knob of the third door, and opens it to a dusty, though clearly lived in room. the two boys rush in, closing the door quietly but urgently behind them. seating himself on the bed, regulus speaks.

“but…” he hesitates, as if hoping his brother will finish the question for him. when sirius is silent, he continues, “are you really gonna leave me?” his voice sounds younger, more emotional now that they are indeed alone. sirius tips his head.

“i mean, i’ve got to, don’t i. hogwarts can’t wait for me,” he picks up something, twirling it in his long fingered hands as he speaks. “besides, they like you more than they like me. you’ll be fine, reggie. i’ll write every day, promise.”

the younger boy doesn’t seem quite content with this answer but sirius doesn’t notice, too occupied with the stick in his hands. he runs one finger along the twisting wood as if mesmerized by the carvings upon it.

“father taught me a spell the other day. he says i need to be ahead of everyone at school.”

long fingers grip the wand in a delicate embrace, holding it high and then sweeping it through the air.

“lumos maxima.”

light pours from the wand tip, cold and clear, filling the candlelit room with an artificial sunlight. spots of light break off from the wand, dancing around the room until the entire space is flooded with the icy gleam. the two boys stare up at the gathering glow, one face prideful, the other filled with excitement as he watches the magic. it isn't as though regulus has never seen this spell before, but he now looks with more respect upon his brother, who up until now, has not uttered a spell. there's a slightly greedy light in his eyes as they flick down to the wand in the pale fingers.

“what’d you think, regulus? he says he’ll teach me more spells before hogwarts, but i reckon i’ll be the only first year there who can do this.” with a self satisfied smirk, sirius mutters something and the light fades, finally vanishing back into the wand.

“oh wow! sirius, could you teach me? i bet father and mother would be really impressed!”

“well, you don’t have a wand, do you, reg? can’t teach you until you’re of hogwarts age.”

“oh.”

besides, father says i’m technically not supposed to do magic out of school. rubbish rule, really, i mean i get why some kids might be restricted, but i'd never do anything bad with my magic. i'd just use it for a laugh.” he chuckles, setting the wand carefully back into the box. he sets this box carefully upon a cluttered desk, brushing the top as though it's dusty, although the wooden box is perhaps the cleanest thing in the room.

“yeah it’s dumb,” his brother mutters, eyes downcast as he stands from the bed, shaking invisible dust from his clothes. “i should be going then. i've got things to be done.

“why the posh accent, reggie? afraid mum’ll catch you speaking normal?”

“no, you’re just weird, sirius. plus, you should start packing. mum will be furious, or more than she already is. bye.”

"bye then, weirdo."

…

his room is further down the hall, and the door creaks when it’s opened. dark wood and grey walls greet him when he throws himself inside, shaking black hair from his face. he pauses at the mirror, gazing at his ten year old face and screwing it up, changing the structure of it as if that will make him look older. instead, the same young, round face stares back, and regulus scoffs at his reflection, moving away before he can hear the shallow complements his mirror has been charmed to give.

“sirius is leaving tomorrow.” he tells the room at large, jumping slightly as a whoosh of wings interrupts the cold silence. tawny and wide eyed, an owl swoops in through an open window, landing gracefully upon his dresser. regulus barely gives the creature a second glance.

“he’s leaving and i can’t do anything about it. just like ‘dromeda.”

a voice in his head that is not his own murmurs a comforting word, but he shakes, twitching his head this way and that to rid himself of the thoughts. anyway, regulus is quite fine being alone, he decides, because while sirius and him are close, sirius has always been the troublemaker, and regulus has picked up after him. this is how they are, how they’ll always be. as a result, he sometimes barely sees his brother. he’s gotten used to being alone in the dark rooms of this old house.

pale eyes rest for a moment upon a small photograph, its movement catching his attention. he walks to it, face set in a bored expression, trying not to feel his heart lurch. within the frame, a girl laughs, her wild brown hair billowing in a gust of wind as she holds hands with a toddler, wobbling on unsteady feet. on the bottom, in neat cursive, the words 'andromeda and regulus’ are inscribed, bold and dark against the white backdrop. his hand traces the outline of the picture before he snatches it down off the wall. it falls to the floor, glass shattering, although the photograph itself remains intact.

“andromeda left me because she was selfish. sirius is leaving because he has to. there’s a difference,” this time he speaks to his owl, who simply gazes back, eyes too intelligent to feel comforting.

“everything else goes away. but he’ll come back..." he doesn't feel convinced, but he glances in the mirror again, tipping his chin up, eyes cold as steel. "he'll come back."

...

the scarlet train billows smoke as the crowded platform bustles around them, mothers sobbing into their childrens' shirts as they see them off, fathers standing sternly by, trying to act as if they're not bothered. to his right, a family with flaming hair strides hurriedly by, two identical boys pushing their younger sister towards the train. they're all laughing, the parents walking cheerfully behind them. they pass a group of three, two elderly parents and a bespeckled, messy haired boy with a roguish grin on his face. he seems to be gazing around as if he knows where he is, perfectly content to stand beside his parents. regulus catches his eye without meaning to and the boy gives him a wink. with a scoff, regulus turns away, beginning to scan the crowd behind him. he's only brought back to his senses only when his mother speaks sharply.

"sirius!"

her voice is a ringing tone, commanding respect, and his brother snaps to attention at once, straightening his spine as he looks his mother in the eye.

"yes mother?"

"i want to know that you're in slytherin as soon as the sorting ceremony is over. send someone to send me an owl. and make sure to say hello to the malfoys. sit with narcissa and bellatrix on the train. don't mix with any blood traitors or, god forbid, mudbloods. be good, make slytherin proud." she pats sirius on the head, a contemptuous sign of affection, and shunts him off towards the train, watching with dark, beady eyes.

"wait, reg!" sirius turns back, eyes only for regulus as he approaches. "you'll survive one year without me. i'll see you at christmas anyway. try and stay sane with her, yeah?" he gives his brother a smile before he straightens his clothes and looks towards the express. regulus can see the longing look in his eye, and wonders, not for the first time, whether sirius will ever come home after this.

a lump in his throat, he nods in agreement to his brother's words, trying to look regal and unbothered as sirius turns to stride imperiously towards the train. he stands, a small dot among a sea of weeping mothers and fathers, alone beside his own mother. her back is straight, hands clasped before her, face set. she's not crying or waving goodbye, simply watching her son disappear into the train, eyes emotionless. regulus sighs and the train begins to puff, pulling out of the station. as it disappears into a scarlet speck in the distance, he blinks away tears. no sense in being weak. sirius will be back, and regulus will be here, as he always is.

\----------  
thus ends the first chapter. the second will come eventually. this work is inspired by the song always gold by radical face. i felt like there weren't enough reg and sirius fics, because they were brothers and i want to explore how they became so separated. i hope i did the characters justice in this.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER -  
> i have never and will never support the awful transphobic views of jk rowling. i am grateful she wrote these amazing books, but i do not support her at all. the harry potter universe is for everyone, regardless of race, gender or sexuality. if the author can't see that, then she obviously doesn't know her own books that well. TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. TRANS MEN ARE MEN.


End file.
